Purpose

I recently attended the Eurotas 2024 conference in Oxford. It was an incredibly inspiring experience where researchers and practitioners of transpersonal psychology gathered to share their wisdom and practice together. The Alef Trust, as organisers, had a packed schedule full of fascinating talks and experiential workshops. I decided to focus mainly on experiences and only attend some keynote presentations since I will have a great deal of theory to deal with during my second year in the MSc. What has kept me thinking, weeks after the conference, is a shamanic journey led by some of my Alef Trust peers. We journeyed to find a teacher and ask for guidance to resolve a personal conflict; afterwards, we were asked to journey again collectively to face the cloud of current social conflict. Both journeys were related and marked by a paralysing fear in the face of “the swampy mud” that represented conflict. I was totally blinded by it, circling around the cloud and unable to face it. Afterwards, I rationalised: “The images of the journeys are, at the end of the day, a product of my imagination”.  But, as one of the facilitators wisely said, “What is imagination if not creative spirit?”. That message was reinforced by Cassandra Vieten’s talk about reconnecting with imagination to regain meaning and find creative purpose for personal and social change. Maybe I am still trapped in personal conflict, working on developing enough grounded self-awareness to imagine collective healing. Maybe there are so many ways I could engage with it that I am a bit overwhelmed. Or I just have been too wrapped up within myself, and it feels like it is too late to make a difference. Since the conference, and especially now that I have to start thinking about applied research, I have been asking myself, “What can I do?” and, honestly, I have nothing.

Although I am very excited about my decision to leave my corporate job and go back to my family to reconnect to my roots, I find myself a bit purposeless and helpless. I wonder if the identity shifts related to cross-cultural movement can be considered transpersonal. Changing country and language feels like dissolving parts of the self, sometimes with a lot of psychological resistance. I have a whole year to explore, and hopefully, I will find my path since I sincerely think I am where I need to be. Imagination or “truth”, the journey had a message for me: I have to face the paralysing fear if I want to have an impact on myself and others. There are so many things I am interested in exploring that I do not know where to even begin, and my mind wonders and gets itself into a panic: “What is this all for anyway?”. Something has become apparent from the start of my sabbatical: I cannot give what I do not have. Therefore, I intend to start small, stay with the familiar, and remain grounded so I can find the courage to face my fears and bear witness to conflict without reacting to it. My purpose for now can be to accept and stay with “what-is”.  

References

www.eurotas2024.com

www.cassandravieten.com